Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
