You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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