I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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