heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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