you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
