The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
