Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
