walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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