I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
