Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
