i already hear my dad disowning me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
