i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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