I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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