All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
