He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
