Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
