So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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