I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize