Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
