You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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