We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
