he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
