i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize