You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
