You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
