**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
