Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
