just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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