woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
