weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
