my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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