she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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