Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
