Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I want to walk on stilts...naked
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
