she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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