remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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