I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
