doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
