I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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