so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
