You can't special order awesome
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
