i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
