What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ketchup is God's man juice
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
