worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Floor bacon is actually really good
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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