i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
