Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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