you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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