I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
farters have to be the big spoon...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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