Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
