genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
