dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
