if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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