So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
