Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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