I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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