She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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