Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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