omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
