Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
