my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
