I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were trust falling into bushes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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