hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
