she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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