so explain again why im purple
no
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize