I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
