You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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