I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
