every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
