i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
