I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize