she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
