Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
