Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
