So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
