I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
