Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
