idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
