And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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