you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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