Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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