I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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