You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Your dad touched me again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
