I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
