just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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