Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
