Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
