I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
