so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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