i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
