Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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