We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
then he tried to convert me to islam
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
