well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
