I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
