I wanna bring you to show and tell
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
